My Story to God

Holbrook Indian School (HIS) is a place of hope and opportunity to the Native American youth who come with unimaginable challenges.  HIS nurtures the creative spirit of each student by teaching them how to express themselves through art. Laqueta, 10th-grade, wrote this spoken word about the battles she has endured and the victory of knowing Christ’s love. She is vulnerable, courageous, and a strong leader of other students.

What is life?

I ask God, “Why me?”

But no answer every time I ask.

People around me say He is there,

But no, you see,

I ask where that still, small voice is

But no one really knows.

So I guess it comes and goes

Waiting to be heard,

Waiting to be called upon,

Waiting for people to actually listen.

They say His love is unconditional.

They say He’ll never fail,

But how would you know it’s for real?

Bible stories? Testimonies?

I never had a father tell me

What is right from wrong.

The fact is I never really knew God

Until losing my mom.

 It made a difference in my life in a bad way,

To the point where I started

Cutting and getting depressed.

I was grieving in the wrong way.

It was hard dealing with the recession;

I didn’t know how to let her go.

I felt like it was my fault,

My fault she was gone.

I blamed myself for so long,

I started using a bong.

It only lasted for a while,

Caught up in the thought that

I wasn’t thinking about my actions.

I kept asking questions,

I had to find answers myself.

So I looked and looked;

I put God on a shelf.

Then I remembered the Book,

The Bible.

I finally realized that it was Him I needed;

Now I wait for His arrival.

But I still question the thought of my mother and father going to heaven,

Will they make it?

Was it too late?

So I pray to God they will.

Seeing these years go by so fast,

I realized that it was all for a reason.

The reason is to make me stronger,

To encourage those like me,

To help those who are weak,

To serve God in a way like no other.

We all have a role to gather as many followers

Before sin takes over.

But some…

They’re coming along, but slowly.

We need each other for the battle;

We need His help as well.

So that is why we go to Chapel.

Sin is like a bombshell;

It will explode sooner or later.

Satan is waiting for the right time,

A time when you are at your lowest.

He took away my parents,

He took away the thought of me being enough,

He took away my courage,

He took away my love.

He sure got the best of me.

But now…Now He is regretting it.